Anticipating the Future; the Present Becoming the Past

I still have just over a month before I start my new job in Missouri, and already I'm fighting the urge to fill every anticipated free moment with an activity of one kind or another after I've arrived.

I've researched intramural sports teams (dodgeball, whiffleball, kickball) in St. Louis. I've started thinking about who I'll go to for haircuts. About where I'll go to church, and about who might be enjoy going to museums with me.

I've started daydreaming about my dad and I fixing up the little house he bought, intending to resell later as part of his retirement.

I've laid out budgets and basic financial goals for the next six months, next three years, and longer. I've tried to imagine how I'll arrange my furniture and what pictures I'll hang on the walls.

I've started laying plans for warmer weather; what vegetables my mom and I will grow in our garden, and how we'll go for evening walks in Engler Park.  

I've even started buildling a mental list of what movies I should rent on Netflix, so that I don't become disconnected from the independent film world that I've just started to develop a little understanding about.

I've wondered what music I'll play on the piano at night. Whether the public library will have the books I want to read, and whether I'll find myself relishing in lazy Saturday mornings at home, or if I'll be in the car headed to yoga and farmer's markets in St. Louis every weekend.

For as hard as the decision to leave New York was to make, I certainly appear to myself to be excited about this change. Coworkers comment that my face lights up, or that I sound "whole" when I talk about this new stage in my life.

So here's to new beginnings in Missouri. Beginnings which will probably quickly move from being quiet and peacful to being my typical-Melissa whirlwind of activity. 

And here's to my last month in New York City, a city in which I've learned that I can love and be loved after a bad attempt at marriage. A city that's taught me a lot about what it means to be successful, motivated, competitive, and creative. And a city that's taught me a little bit more about what I do and don't want to be part of my life, professionally and personally.